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An Update from Kai

Hello Friends! 

As I’m sure you’ve noticed, things have been pretty difficult for me the last few months and for that I am sorry. However, healing does take time and with what I’ve been through; I think it’s going to take some time. I’m here however, to explain to you where I’ve been and why I have been taking time away from going live and showing my face on a camera- and believe me, it’s a good one. 

First things first, I asked my husband for a divorce. After months of emotional abuse, gaslighting, and 7 years of him not understanding what ‘no’ meant, I freed myself. Now I have been wondering what comes next for me. I have been working with my shadow self, to recognize all the red flags I ignored and I am trying to teach myself a way to communicate that does not come with doubting myself. 

For the last few years of my life I was asked to make myself smaller, I was not allowed to be the biggest and brightest version of myself. He never asked me to dim my light outright, but it was implied that if I didn’t, trouble would come. The money I made was not my own, for upwards of a year and a half, I ended up having to support us both. This meant paying rent, the bills, and for our car all by myself. I payed for his XBox membership and got very few things for just myself; this was a very stressful way of life. 

I did tell him how this made me feel and it always started a fight, so I stopped. Eventually, I just stopped talking about my feelings and complied the way he wanted. Before this, I was as talkative as they come, I never had a problem making myself or my feelings known. This change in myself was pointed out to me many times, but I wasn’t quite sure what the cause was. 

That’s when our very own Elliot swooped in and pointed out every time this happened, among other things that I, myself, had never put together. I was, I still am, very disappointed in myself. This is not the first time I had experienced this kind of abuse, but due to the abuse I had experienced as a child, I believe my brain noted this behaviour as normal. I sank back into who I was as a child, once again expected to take care of everyone’s needs before they asked so that I didn’t get hurt. I was in Survival Mode. 

After I left, I moved in with Elliot, and that’s where I am now! In the scorching south. I am learning to communicate effectively again with their help and with the help of Sunshine who always calls me out when I shut down, and for that I am eternally grateful. 

I left my friends and family behind because I needed to find myself again. I need to figure out who I am and where I’m going. I used to be a child with big dreams, ever changing dreams. At age 25 I’m learning that I am still a child, I have a lot of time to grow and learn and find myself all over again. 

I have my good days and I have horrible ones ridden with PTSD Flashbacks and Anxiety attacks, but with Sunshine Readings I am working on filling my own cup again. So, with all that being said, I am officially taking one on one readings and healings, this helps me fill my cup in a multitude of ways. I have always been one that has had a compulsive need to help others, this helps me improve my communication and allows me to connect to the Universe in a very unique way; I feel complete, like I have a purpose and that there are ways that I can help. 

I apologize if this was a little all over the place, vulnerability does not come easy to me. However, I am always open for messages, and appointments. I would love to talk if you have questions or suggestions on coping. 

Book your 1:1 with Me: https://sunshinereadings.as.me/schedule.php?calendarID=5203554 

Namaste, 

Kai

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