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Healing Familial Wounds (Pt. 1)

I know that my family drives me crazy, all the time, but this doesn’t mean I love them any less. It took me a very long time to realize that I got to pick my family, Blood related or otherwise. Unfortunately, growing up, we allow our families to form our lives, they try to shape us into who they feel we should be and often don’t ask about what we want. 

There are way too many ways that our families can create wounds within us and we would never know. If you have siblings, it’s very likely their wounds may even be a little different than yours. During this blog post, I’m going to talk about Sibling Wounds, Soul Wounds that parents may not realize they are giving, and that’s alright; that’s what this is for. If you are a parent concerned about damaging your child, if your inner child was damaged by a parent, these are wounds that could be present. Keep in mind, please, that I’m not a doctor, I’m not a psychologist, and I’m definitely not a genius. This is a battle that i have been fighting for more than half of my life and if my observations can help, then please allow yourself to find healing within them. 

Starting with the Eldest Sibling, who may have been given too much responsibility. This mindset that ‘The Oldest Helps with the Youngest’ is great! Sure, you’ve been given a babysitter for the youngest ones and someone to help you find your way around parenting. The issue here becomes hyper-independence. The eldest child may forget that they are a child, they may feel it is their job to take care, complete care of kids, family and anyone that may ask for help. Eldest Children tend to forget to take care of themselves, in return. I’ll use this chance to give a gentle reminder to all of our Eldest Children, you are your only responsibility. Your compassion is great, but please remind yourself to say no and don’t push yourself towards things you’re not ready for. 

The Middle Child, feel forgotten or left behind by the family. You may feel closer to your eldest sibling than you may to your parents; this is generally because parents leave the entertainment of the child to the eldest. You may have a hard time communicating clearly to people you’re not used to. I’ve noticed middle children often feel inferior, scared that they’re not enough. You are, you are more than enough and in order to heal that wound you’re going to have to believe it. You have so much insight to offer, and I’ll bet if you voice it, people will listen. 

Youngest Children are packaged spoiled. The youngest children always get the lessons and the ability to get away with everything. Your wound tends to be that you never feel ready. You never know where you stand. You learn to rely on what you’re given instead of what you can do. The important thing to remember if this feels like you, is that you are exactly where you should be. There is nothing more important than remembering that even you have your limits and sometimes, you have to take your time. 

Next Month we’ll look at Wounds of Familial Abandonment, how we can acknowledge and heal from them. Journaling during your healing process, may help you process your own growth. It’s always nice to have something to look back on to see how you’ve grown. 

You can do this. 

Namaste, 

Kai

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