The Sober Witch Life: Sunshine’s Guide to a Mystical Recovery Podcast Season 2 Episode 17 Amends and Evolution

Hello, hello, hello. Hey everyone. Good afternoon, and welcome back to The Sober Witch Life podcast with your host Sunshine. This is literally Sunshine’s guide to a mystical recovery. We’ve been actively for the last couple of weeks. Just a reminder for you going through the 13 steps to the witch’s path of recovery. We’ve been going through them each and every week, one step a week. And I’m going to continue doing this until they’re done. And I don’t know, maybe I’ll even go back and start talking about them again. We’ll see. We’re a little over halfway through. 

And so as always, I’m going to start off with a little bit of story time. I may have shared this in some regard or some fashion before, but I think it’s important to kind of know a little bit of this backstory. When I first truly stepped onto the road to recovery, 2019 I leveraged a right. I had already relapsed a couple of times that year. And finally, when I kind of hit this rock bottom, I knew at that point that I wasn’t going to be able to do this on my own anymore. I really did, and I stepped into AA, my partner at that particular time asked me to as a condition of us continuing to work on the relationship, because I did some real shitty things to him at my rock bottom. And so I did. I leveraged AA. And even though I didn’t fit in, I mean, I always felt awkward, strange and weird and in most environments. But even though I didn’t fit in, a witch in the middle of a spiritual program that has a heavily lean towards Christianity, I made the best of it. 

I was grateful that the folks in my hometown here were much more accepting of other spiritual paths. The push for Christianity was kept to a minimum because we had a very high Muslim population. So they really couldn’t talk one way or another. They couldn’t refer to God and Allah and get into like, a debate about it. They were much more focused on the spiritual aspect of it. And, I continued moving further into it. I started going to some step meetings. I would sit at the step table every now and again. I really gave my all. I jumped in with two feet. I wanted to let go of alcohol. I didn’t want to have it in my life anymore. I wanted to be in recovery. I really did, and initially I really struggled to find a sponsor. I think I asked four people. I’ve talked about this on another show. I know another episode. I know that, but I asked four people before one of them finally asked one of their mentees to sponsor me. Different story for a different time, but because it took me so long to find a sponsor, and I didn’t want to delay working the steps, I started to work with my therapist at the time on the steps. They weren’t completely familiar with it, but I could at least talk to them and share and things of that nature. So when it got to the point that you know the steps said, Hey, talk to somebody else. You know, that’s who I talked to. It was my therapist. And so finally, at some point, I’d reached Step eight, and this is the point within a traditional AA program you’re going to, you’re going to need to conduct an inventory, right?

So I began to research, and then ask some of the ladies in the fellowship, what can I do? So there are different templates and tools and things of that nature that I could find online that I began to use. And basically you start writing a list right of, kind of like all the low think of it as like all the low vibrational experiences than you’ve been a part of whether you were the catalyst to it or not. You just you write them down. And I realize after that first pass and talking to my therapist, right, that so much of what I had listed was still not the core was not the truth. I would list out these people that I’d wronged, or these situations where I had felt like I had caused pain or suffering, and eventually my therapist would kind of like, take this step back and help me start to realize that a lot of these experiences was me judging myself as having done something wrong in the eyes of others, and I’ll try to give you an example so of what I mean. Let’s say that someone you know is a vegetarian. And every time I brought over a dish to a potluck that they hosted, it had meat in it, and they would get really upset at it, and it would bother them a whole lot, and they would get very angry and upset and so I would look at that particular experience, and seeing me has as having done something wrong to them, when, in reality, they were not able. They they weren’t really accepting of life on life’s terms, so to speak. They had these control things in place. 

I mean, don’t get me wrong, if I brought over a meat, I would apologize, but the reality is, I eat meat, so I would enjoy that dish, and maybe other people there would, right? And I know it’s a little weird of an example, but it’s one that came to mind. So my therapist started pointing out, I mean, I had all of these judgments where I believed I had done something wrong, when in reality, a lot of the time was I was betraying myself in the process, and that’s a perfect example. I’m a meat eater. I eat meat. Why wouldn’t I ensure that there is something that is aligned to my dietary preferences at a potluck? Now, should I have asked and taught whatever? Yeah, maybe, maybe so. But that’s just an example here. What this showed to me is I had a lot of the wrong kind of people around me. I had a lot of people that I had put around me because I was willing to adapt to them rather than them learning how to accept me for who I was. So I had a lot of shame and guilt for not being who these other people thought I should be. And yeah, there were some literal horrible things that I had done right pretty horrible, as I said, I’d done some pretty horrible things to an ex who I was with at that particular time. The reality, though, in reflection, I’m talking with my therapist about this, I had done a lot of the apologizing already. I had already said I am sorry. I had already apologized. I had already tried to do things. What can I do? What can I do? But I still hadn’t really forgiven myself. I still and frankly, there were some people that still held resentment towards me, even though I apologized, and so because of that, I wasn’t forgiving of myself, which is a betrayal of self again. 

So why am I sharing all of this with you? It’s because Step eight, just like in the traditional 12-step programs, it’s kind of similar. In 12-step programs, they would call it making, doing inventory, putting together an inventory. I like to think of this from a witch perspective, as a karmic access assessment, meaning, What things have you done that is going to impact your karma, so to speak? What things you have done that is going to keep you in a low vibrational state, lower your vibration, whatever it may be and you may still have hold and attachment onto those things? 

The reality is this step is not meant. You know, in a superficial level, it sounds like it’s meant to provide us absolution or forgiveness, and it’s not that it’s not supposed to, but in reality, as a winch goes, it’s supposed to start allowing us to let go of the things in our past that are still keeping us in a low vibrational state? So our step eight is, I made a list of all persons, places and or things that I’ve crossed or done wrong to and became willing to make amends. And you may be like me, right? Most of you, know where most of who or what you’ve betrayed is yourself. You’ve people pleased. You’ve been maybe even more on that codependent side of things where you’re doing shifting and moving all of these things to appease someone else. You may be more like me, or you may be more like some of the other folks that I have certainly met with in recovery who are so focused on finding their own safety that no matter what they they wouldn’t necessarily think twice about who they hurt or what relationship or what they may have destroyed along the way. And I’m really being particular about that, because the reality is addiction turns us into people who does shitty things, and sometimes these shitty things are to ourselves. Other times these shitty things are to other people, and sometimes it’s shitty things to both ourselves and other people. 

This step is all about recognizing and committing to the things that we have participated in and being willing to make things better, that can be releasing it, that can be asking for forgiveness, or as we find out in Step nine, the other work that a witch may need to do, that’s the reality of it. And I’m going to be very frank with you, my dear friends, that sometimes step eight can be the place that people will relapse, because having to go back through and face these things is some of the darkest parts of this shadow work that we’re on. So I’ve got to ask you, do you feel comfortable with the list that you may have made, or do you need to make one? I’ll tell you, and I’ll admit wholeheartedly that I still do this on a regular basis, right on a daily basis, taking a look and checking to see and very often, I will still find that it’s myself that I betray. But that’s part of recovery. It’s a road, not a destination, alright, my dear friends, that being said, I will leave you with all of that until next time. Much Love ffrom me to all of you.

👉𝐶ℎ𝑒𝑐𝑘 𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑤𝑒𝑏𝑠𝑖𝑡𝑒𝑠 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑙𝑒𝑡 𝑆𝑢𝑛𝑠ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑒 𝑔𝑢𝑖𝑑𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑡ℎ𝑟𝑜𝑢𝑔ℎ 𝑟𝑒𝑐𝑜𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑦!

🤙🏻𝐒𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐝𝐮𝐥𝐞 𝐚 𝐅𝐑𝐄𝐄 𝐒𝐨𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝐂𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐂𝐚𝐥𝐥

🧡𝐒𝐮𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 

👍𝐒𝐮𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐅𝐚𝐜𝐞𝐛𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐏𝐚𝐠𝐞 

📷 𝐒𝐮𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐈𝐧𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐦

💜𝐈𝐥𝐥𝐮𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐞

👍 𝐈𝐥𝐥𝐮𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐅𝐚𝐜𝐞𝐛𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐏𝐚𝐠𝐞

📷 𝐈𝐥𝐥𝐮𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐈𝐧𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐦

👍𝐒𝐨𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝐖𝐢𝐭𝐜𝐡’𝐬 𝐁𝐚𝐳𝐚𝐚𝐚𝐫 𝐅𝐚𝐜𝐞𝐛𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐆𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐩

🚨𝐃𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐬 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐞 𝐚𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐜𝐞𝐬:

📲𝐈𝐥𝐥𝐮𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐞: 𝐒𝐨𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝐖𝐢𝐭𝐜𝐡 𝐀𝐩𝐩: 𝐴𝑉𝐴𝐼𝐿𝐴𝐵𝐿𝐸 𝐼𝑁 𝑇𝐻𝐸 𝐴𝑃𝑃 𝑆𝑇𝑂𝑅𝐸 𝐴𝑁𝐷 𝑃𝐿𝐴𝑌 𝑆𝑇𝑂𝑅𝐸 𝑇𝑂 𝐷𝑂𝑊𝑁𝐿𝑂𝐴𝐷

🔮𝐑𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐏𝐬𝐲𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐜 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠:

🔮𝐏𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐋𝐢𝐟𝐞 𝐒𝐨𝐮𝐥 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐀𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧: 

🧑‍🎨𝐀𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐃𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐧 𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠