We already covered that if you are working on cultivating a deep love for yourself, you have to also love your past. I want to make sure though that I’m clear on one point with this though. Just because you have love for your past and are curious by your past, doesn’t mean you need to like it.
So often we mix those two things up.
For example, I have a lot of love for my ex-boyfriend. But I don’t like the way he treated me so I’ve set hard boundaries on a relationship with him moving forward.
Of course the consequence of mixing those two things up is that we will often avoid focusing lovingly on our past just because we don’t like it or agree with it. When this happens, we often start to become blind to how we are reflecting upon our past and can easily slip into judging the past instead.
To help you spot if you’re spending more time ‘judging’ then ‘loving’ your past…check out these four signs I’ve found are GREAT indicators:
In bed at night your thoughts race about the past.
The one that can still sometimes get me is when an event happens and I just watch it play in my head over and over again. It happened recently when the ex-boyfriends mother said something very cruel to me and then blocked me from responding. Everytime it started to replay in my head I would focus on why she might have been that way. How hurt and scared she must have felt. And I keep doing that till the thoughts stop.
You find you’re always bringing things up from the past in arguments
This is a sneaky one that we often don’t notice that we do until someone points it out. But anytime you’re trying to talk or discuss something with someone and you start referring to their past actions or YOURS…watch out. Now a days I’ll shut down conversations if I see myself doing it or someone else doing it to me.
You find yourself saying, “I shouldn’t have done that”.
I really don’t know if there is a more clear sign that you’re judging the past. Remember, the past is the past and cannot be undone. Reflecting and saying you shouldn’t of done that can only happen if you’ve judge that about it!
When you think about someone in your past, your heart literally hurts. This probably means that they hurt your heart or you hurt theirs. If you are comfortable approaching a conversation with that person, you may want to try and talk to them about it. If not, just forgive them for what they did or forgive yourself for what you did.
I’d imagine I could think of a handful more ways to identify when you’re stuck without love for your past. But every time I do, they all end up coming right back to these four in some way shape, or form.
So tell me…are you guilty of any of these???